LORDSHIP

I am rocked.

My world has been turned upside down. 

I have been forced to question the very foundation that my entire life has been set upon:
Is Jesus my Lord?

Tuesday night's Bible study forced me to face this seemingly simple question head on despite my impending fears of my true answer.  For myself and most other Christ followers, the answer is an automatic "yes." But is it a true yes?

Do I truly believe that God raised Jesus from the dead?  If so, do I understand the weight of that happening and am I willing to accept the implications for believing? 

Do I believe that one day, every created being will bow down to worship Him?  Do I believe He is worthy of said worship?

Do I believe Jesus when He said to drop everything to follow Him? EVERYTHING!?!?! Am I willing to trust and do just what He instructed the wealthy man?  If Jesus asked me to leave everyone I knew to follow Him, would I do it?  Do I trust Him enough?  

Do I love Him so much that my love for Him makes my love for my husband look like hate?  

Do I believe all of this in my heart so that my mouth can confess it?

These are the questions I have been wrestling with since Tuesday evening.  They may seem crazy and unnecessary but they have brought me to an entirely new place in my relationship with God.  To be honest, I can answer yes to some of these on different days, but I have discovered that the whole point of these questions are not to just check off a box to say, "Yes, I can agree with all of that, so I'm okay in God's book."  The point of these questions are for me to really see God in the light that He deserves.  Simply saying "yes" and moving on with life is not what God has intended.  He wants us to wrestle.  He wants us come to a place of true understanding of these questions, not just an easy "yes."  I do claim that Jesus is my Lord and I am not my own master, but I can't do this all on my own.  We confess this in an instant and then we continually work out our salvation with God; working because of salvation instead of working for salvation.   I've done the confession and I have God to help me along the rest of the way.  

This has been a huge revelation for me, but one way I'm seeing it play out in my day-to-day life is this:  I wake up claiming to God that He is my Lord and I take up my cross.  This takes the focus off of me, and puts in on Him where the focus should always be.  Talking to Him and having quiet times with Him are no longer a chore because I crave to spend time with my Lord.  My thoughts have started to become more consumed by Him than other trivial matters of life.  This idea of Lordship has completely altered my views of God and His worthiness.  This probably sounds like rambling but I just wanted to jot some thoughts down before the world consumes me yet again. Take it or leave it, this is where I am right now.  

Verses that helped inspire these findings are Acts 17:30-32, Philippians 2:5-13, Mark 10:17-22, Luke 14:25-35, Romans 10:9-10, Matthew 7:21-23, Luke 23:39-43.