Investments

Today was a good day.

Today was a GREAT day!

Today I invested in some oil.

Today the parable of the ten virgins was brought to my attention (Matt 25: 1-13).
In referencing Jesus' parable, I was specifically told that "Now is the time to buy oil." Do not be confused, the person giving me this directive did not intend for me to literally become a shareholder of BP stock; he was urging me to seek out the Holy Spirit and to make a conscious effort to be filled up, to have enough "oil" for when the bridegroom returns for His bride. He explained that the time to buy oil is now and not something to put off until I feel like making the effort.  There will be a point when it is too late, and some will be like the five virgins who didn't bring enough oil for their lamps. They missed the wedding.

Can you imagine missing your own wedding?

It would be heartbreaking to hear of a bride who had spent months or even years preparing for her wedding and then when the day finally arrived, she missed everything. She slept in, she wasn't prepared, the groom married someone else, the door was shut in her face, and her groom's last words to her were,
"I don't know you."

This is a tragic tale. Before today, I was not only headed towards this fate, but I was actually running away from my groom. He was chasing me with an engagement ring trying to ask me to be his forever, and I was running the other way; refusing to accept or return his affections.
This was a wake up call.
Something had to change...and it did.

I can say with confidence that I bought oil today.

I can say with certainty that I will continue to invest in oil so that my lamp will be filled.

Those investments are the ones that truly matter.    

Layers

I've been learning a lot lately about healing. It seems like a pretty easy concept to grasp; healing is the best thing for us. The only way to be a better version of yourself is through healing. When I embarked on my journey of healing, I knew it would be difficult and that I would have to face some painful things, but what I didn't realize was how many layers I truly have. That the issue isn't really the true issue. That once you get over one hurdle, another one is there staring you in the face. That in order to heal, you must come face to face with the things you have buried down in the deepest chasm of your soul. That you would have to deal with these layers.
I am ready to face this healing head on, but I know that it will be a long process. I will have to revisit instances and issues that I have tried to leave far behind. There will be good days and bad days, and sometimes I will want to give up. But I need to stay focused on the desired outcome. On the other side of this journey, I will be a healthier and more whole person. God will use my healing to impact others and that is worth the struggle.

LORDSHIP

I am rocked.

My world has been turned upside down. 

I have been forced to question the very foundation that my entire life has been set upon:
Is Jesus my Lord?

Tuesday night's Bible study forced me to face this seemingly simple question head on despite my impending fears of my true answer.  For myself and most other Christ followers, the answer is an automatic "yes." But is it a true yes?

Do I truly believe that God raised Jesus from the dead?  If so, do I understand the weight of that happening and am I willing to accept the implications for believing? 

Do I believe that one day, every created being will bow down to worship Him?  Do I believe He is worthy of said worship?

Do I believe Jesus when He said to drop everything to follow Him? EVERYTHING!?!?! Am I willing to trust and do just what He instructed the wealthy man?  If Jesus asked me to leave everyone I knew to follow Him, would I do it?  Do I trust Him enough?  

Do I love Him so much that my love for Him makes my love for my husband look like hate?  

Do I believe all of this in my heart so that my mouth can confess it?

These are the questions I have been wrestling with since Tuesday evening.  They may seem crazy and unnecessary but they have brought me to an entirely new place in my relationship with God.  To be honest, I can answer yes to some of these on different days, but I have discovered that the whole point of these questions are not to just check off a box to say, "Yes, I can agree with all of that, so I'm okay in God's book."  The point of these questions are for me to really see God in the light that He deserves.  Simply saying "yes" and moving on with life is not what God has intended.  He wants us to wrestle.  He wants us come to a place of true understanding of these questions, not just an easy "yes."  I do claim that Jesus is my Lord and I am not my own master, but I can't do this all on my own.  We confess this in an instant and then we continually work out our salvation with God; working because of salvation instead of working for salvation.   I've done the confession and I have God to help me along the rest of the way.  

This has been a huge revelation for me, but one way I'm seeing it play out in my day-to-day life is this:  I wake up claiming to God that He is my Lord and I take up my cross.  This takes the focus off of me, and puts in on Him where the focus should always be.  Talking to Him and having quiet times with Him are no longer a chore because I crave to spend time with my Lord.  My thoughts have started to become more consumed by Him than other trivial matters of life.  This idea of Lordship has completely altered my views of God and His worthiness.  This probably sounds like rambling but I just wanted to jot some thoughts down before the world consumes me yet again. Take it or leave it, this is where I am right now.  

Verses that helped inspire these findings are Acts 17:30-32, Philippians 2:5-13, Mark 10:17-22, Luke 14:25-35, Romans 10:9-10, Matthew 7:21-23, Luke 23:39-43.